Drunk Astronauts

A report surfaced this week stating that some Astronauts have been flying drunk.

Yes, you read it right. That did say ASTRONAUTS. Guys and gals who fly into SPACE.

The astronauts in questions are from NASA. Not some Bad News Bears type outfit, like the Jamaican bobsledding team, but NASA.

Here's an excerpt from a CNN report on the matter:

"NASA said Friday it was going to take immediate action after a report raised safety questions about astronauts drinking before flying missions. The space agency said astronauts flew drunk at on at least two occasions, despite warnings from doctors and colleagues that they posed a flight risk."

Despite warning from doctors and colleagues?! NASA actually admitted that there were people (DOCTORS and colleagues no less) who knew astronauts were flying drunk, who went so far as to actually WARN the astronauts that maybe it wasn't a good idea to fly drunk, but still ALLOWED them to do it?? Again, in case you missed it the first time, we're talking about NASA ASTRONAUTS FLYING DRUNK and the staff at NASA not having the cohones to take the keys to daddy's new space shuttle from them.

The article then goes on to say:

" The report was prompted by the arrest of former astronaut Lisa Nowak, who was accused in February of the attempted kidnapping of a romantic rival."

What the fuck is going on at NASA? Does going into space make you crazy? Or maybe there is some real sci-fi stuff going on. Maybe the astronauts are hosts to an extra-terrestrial parasite they picked up somewhere out on the final frontier which inhibits all reason and common sense and makes them think they are actually living in the movie "Porky's".


From these allegations has come the brilliant recommendation that "NASA develop a code of conduct for astronauts."

Wow.
How the mighty has fallen.

NASA should be above needing a code of conduct. Shouldn't they? I don't want to come off as self-righteous here - I fully expect astronauts to party and get their drunk on. They're astronauts, for christ's sake. They fly into space for a living. They're rock stars. They are not like you and I, or even me and you. They have earned the right to party like it's 1999; just not like they make 9.99 an hour. However, we, the regular-down-home-kinda-folk, should be able to preserve the image of our astronauts out there in deep space, as bigger than life heroes like Buck Rodgers - not out there going buck wild.

6 Words

Ernest Hemingway once claimed he could write a great story in six words or less. (Some say it was a bar bet put to him). He followed that braggadocio up by keeping his word with what he felt was his best prose ever. His story:


"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."


I thought I'd give one a try. My Story:

"Missed flight. It crashed. Now I drive."

Shit, that's 7 words.

Moron, Idiot, Imbecile

Here's something very good to know:

The words moron, idiot and imbecile are NOT interchangeable.

Of the three, moron indicates the highest level of intelligence, followed by an imbecile and then an idiot.

Remember - words do mean something. Choose them carefully.

Dog in a Bar

Here's one of the many reasons I love Montreal;

You can have a dog in a bar.

Flotsam and Jetsam

There's so much stuff I don't know it's embarrassing. I even just spelled embarrassing wrong as I typed it.

Let's take "Flotsam and Jetsam". I've heard it before. Never really knew what it meant.

They are words used to describe goods that have been thrown into the ocean. Jetsam is stuff voluntarily cast into the sea, usually in order to lighten a vessel in an emergency. Flotsam describes goods floating in the water that were NOT put there deliberately, often after a shipwreck or accident.

I never would have guessed that's what those words meant. I thought Flotsam and Jetsam were possibly an old vaudeville act. I always mentally grouped them with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Amos and Andy, Flotsam and Jetsam....

An honest mistake for a 30 something imbecile.